Vacation Shmacation

So, on my last day at the beach for the holiday weekend and it occurred to me...I'm exhausted. I just went to put my one-year-old down for his afternoon nap and fell into a deep sleep for several minutes while holding him. I was rudely smacked back into consciousness by The Wordless Wonder. "What? Huh? Who?" I sputtered until I realized what had happened. I looked down to see his smiling face and the weapon that shocked me back awake (his hand) still resting firmly on my cheek.

"You thought you were going to get to sleep, sweetie?" he seemed to say to me, with a look in his eye that was... could it be? Yes. Condescension.

"We may be on vacation, honey. But, get your ass back to work."

There's no question...Since becoming a mother to two small children, I come back from vacations wondering where the "vacation" part of the whole thing went.

Between lugging toys, blankets, towels, snacks, and a toddler... hiking over and across what feels like miles upon miles of sand... doing laundry, getting the toddler to sleep in his Pack 'n Play, which he hates...I've been pushed to my physical limits. Oh yeah, top it off with two days of intense paddle ball on the beach with my husband. I need a massage. And a foot rub. And a nap. That lasts for three days.

I have to admit that the sand is what got me this time. Walking across the sand while hauling J did me in. My 1 1/2-year-old -- who has just started walking -- has this innate ability to become dead weight the minute you pick him up. My mother-in-law says my husband was the same way when he was a kid. Sack o' potatoes. Great.

Today, I was carrying him across the sand back to our place, giving myself a pep talk. "Dig in. Come on Rosana. Dig deep. You can do it." I was breathing like I was in labor or running, "Whhh. Whhh. Shhh. Shhh." Got back to the house and literally collapsed and let J down in a pile on the front stoop.

"My calves better be so rockin' after this trip," I mutter to myself.

With sweat beads still glistening on my brow, I hereby would like to rename vacations with small children. I mean, let's face it. When you go away with kids under five, you get to see new things, do different things, and spend QT together. But, relax? Pshaw. So, let's simply call these family getaways, "changes of scenery." That's right. That way no parents get fooled into thinking they actually are going to get a VACATION.

Give me a break. No seriously. I need one.