Monday, April 2, 2012

Sexy Underwear

It's been a rough week. It's been a rough couple of weeks. Middle kid. Pneumonia. Hospital visits. Last one. Overnight. IVs. Antibiotics. Blood. Vomiting. Hospital gowns. Xrays. Like I said. It's been rough.

We got home today and he's feeling much, much better. But the house is chaos. Ok, it's not chaos. It's just chaos to me.

In a nutshell...I haven't had time to do laundry. So, I've cycled through all my favorite comfy, cute cotton panties. I've then gone through my second-tier cotton panties -- a little threadbear, but still acceptable. Then, I've cycled through my panties that should just be completely tossed. Like one has a huge hole right in the front crotch area. I am not sure a.) how that hole came to be in that particular area seeing as I have no penis and b.) why I still have them. To answer the b. question because the a. question is simply unanswerable, I am positive it has something to do with my genetic makeup. In particular, being related to my father, a man who has no problem wearing tshirts, socks, sweaters, pants and shoes that have large, gaping holes in them ("What? It's still good.")

And so, with the crotch-hole underwear not even an option, I glance for a second at my husband's boxer briefs. My husband is 6'2" and 200 pounds. I'm 5'2" and 110 pounds. I would be akin to wearing oversize athletic shorts. Grossly oversized. I'd have to roll them up three times to even attempt to keep the waist from resting at my knees.

So, I'm left with the compartment of undergarments that gets pulled out only, only, only if I need a bartering tool. Like I want someone , like the-father-of-my-children someone, to put away the laundry.

Yes, ladies and gentlemen, we have lace. And satin. Together. In one very small garment that basically makes you feel like you are flossing your vagina.

What choice do I have? I suppose I could go commando. But I'm just not a commando kind of girl. Need something to protect her from the elements. Ya' know? So here I sit, exhausted from the week of health-related drama. In my sweats. Ready for bed. With lace up my ass.


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